June 21, 2012 -
The War on Deer
The long and short of it is this: Suburban deer have been annailating our crops and totally outsmarting us for five years. They’ve overcome all levels of defense, no matter how extreme, creative or intensive.
We’ve tried virtually everything to keep these pesky, voracious creatures away from our food.
1. Wire fence.
2. Electric fence.
4. Multi-layered electric fence.
5. Let the dogs out. (woof. woof.)
6. Piss around the perimeter.
7. Top-line fencing.
8. Deer skull on a stick.
9. Ribbons hanging from top line fencing.
10. Multi-layered, wire, wood, electric, three-dimensional fencing.
11. Mean eyes on ribbons, blowing in the wind.
12. Japenese drums.
13. Paintball gun.
None of this has made a dent in the deer’s ability to chomp down our harvest. In fact, deer have eaten so many of our vegetables, vegetarians might qualify them as edible if we put them on our menu.
After voting to pass the bow legislation in Broadview Heights and sadly being denied, we invested in a 7 foot tall, $2,650 fence from Deerbusters. Yep, that’s Deerbusters.com. We had no choice. Thousands of dollars in produce are at stake.
So far, the fence has been a success this season. But if we were to find a sneaky deer snacking inside, watch out. We have visions of succulent venison, wrapped in bacon, pinned with a clove, smothered in huckleberry sauce with a side of sweet potatoes and broccoli raab. We’ve been feeding you for so long deer, maybe it’s time you start feeding us.